My life lately has been a whirlwind of emotions. I've been learning to deal with my new normal, and trying to figure out how to persevere through all the new challenges that we have come to face.
I'm sure on the outside I look like I've got it down. Even though yoga pants and t-shirts have become my go-to and the no makeup, un-brushed hair look is on point and all. I think to other people I look like I mentally got this down..
Well... News flash.. NOPE!
It took me 8 months to even start coping, and even now I'm struggling with my anger, and stress as we jump into this new school year.
Now adding into everything a family member is not doing so great, and the anxiety about when that time will come sits pretty close to the fore-front of my mind.
I just can't bring myself to understand why this keeps happening. What lessons are we supposed to learn from all this. I feel like I live in shit-ville where everything happens back to back to back, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
My birthday is next week, and I'm literally like waiting for the bad to happen.. I feel almost cursed.
The only thing that literally has never happened to me is a car accident, but I feel like that's only a matter of time too. In the past year alone I've had a lot of close calls, and I kid you not only one was my fault, but I corrected quick enough to avoid.
I just wanna sit at home and eat chinese food, and sushi all day while binge watching netflix in my bed alone.
I have kids though and they depend on me.
I want to be happy and grateful and blessed, but life right now is making that super hard.
I think I just need a good corona and food.
Here's to hoping at some point soon, a purpose evolves.
Maybe we are phoenix's, and we just have to give ourselves time to rise from the ashes.