This post is going to be a bit different than most. Some of you may call me crazy for posting this here, but ultimately that's why this is also a lifestyle blog. I created this blog for myself. A place for me to vent, and share. For me, personal sharing is hard. Trials from my past make it hard for me to open up. Until lately. I'm sure there's still other things I'll still bottle away, but this in particular I personally feel I should say.
** Nothing in this post is meant to judge you. It is not meant for any one person. These are my thoughts and expressions. I thought long and hard about this before I hit the publish button. It actually has sat as a draft for a bit. I will apologize if this makes any of you upset. That is not my intention. I only wish to bring light to your thoughts. I want you to understand it isn't just "oh feelings are hurt" its deeper. It's something even the strongest of people mull over. Its a pain hard to erase. Hard to even hide on some days. So please take it into consideration the next time your voicing an opinion. Yes, you are entitled to having one, but there's also another side it effects.**
I have had one hell of a life! I was a wild teen. Did some crazy spontaneous things as a young adult. I was arrogant, ungrateful, pained, and hurtful. At the time I didn't think about how it would effect my future, but who does. Now that I'm getting older, and going through the big changes that have happened recently, I have been humbled like never before. I think back on things, and I realized I've changed. I'm a much better, happier person. I won't lie sometimes the pain and hurt that I caused pains me so deep. Most days that it hits me I fall into a dark place, it's really hard to come out of. But, I do it. If not for me, for my family. I am a Christian. Have been since childhood. Even when I was lost time and time again, I found my way back. I may not be the most vocal, but its my personal relation, and it is shared within my home.
With everything going on in the media, I find my social media feeds a little painful. I mostly have stayed off, until at least it calmed down, but last night I couldn't sleep thinking about it. Judgement has been plastered across every screen, and while we all have a right to speech, and opinions I feel as though there's something some of you may not have considered. You see, I was judged. Heavily, and within people very close to me. Some still are. They may not agree that they are, but ultimately they do, probably unknowingly. So I know first hand how it feels. Its very hurtful. Its a battle of pain I wake up daily to. Some days I'm angry, others I'm sad, then there are days I just take it as is, and try to move forward. Knowing someone out there has placed you in a black-hole, and nothing you say or do can fix it, is almost unbearable. Even if it's a perfect stranger.
In the Bible is says "Do not judge, for you too will be judged..." It also goes on to say "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Do we all not have our own mistakes? Why must we tell others they are "trash" or "disgusting"? Maybe its just me, but I can never understand how a person can say such hurtful things about another person. I know first hand that I make mistakes daily. Truth is we all do. There's not one person out there that can disagree with that sentence. Some people, like myself, don't realize its a mistake until later. Honestly for me, there's some from my past I didn't realize was a mistake until a year later. I don't deny my mistakes. In a way now I feel a small sense of pride about them. Only because I look at my mistakes as learning experiences. I made them, I learned from them, they made me who I am today. Personally, I like who I've become so far, especially from who I was before. Some things I'm still recovering from, but I don't think its fair to be judged. I don't think its right to place judgement and preach God. I guess at the end of the day, all I'm saying is before hitting that post or tweet, think about it. If you don't agree fine. But, do you really have to call someone names or put them down or say they are going to hell. Their lives are their choices. Whether that choice be a mistake or not. That's none of our concern. Only God can judge them, and when they get to the gates they will be held accountable. As will you, for your own. So instead pray. Pray for guidance. For me, for you, for them.
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."